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"Attention all cupids, disruptors, and matchmakers: this one's open for business! 💘💥 Proceed with caution or be prepared to dodge some love arrows! 😄 #SingleAndReadyToMingle"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

1 month ago
cheese, choice, food, happiness, humor, life, people, sadness, simple, simple life
80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

1 month ago
argument, arguments, eaten, food, humor, hunger, mood, patience, relationship, someone, start
How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

1 month ago
am, complaints, customer, customer service, finger, frustration, humor, i, know, middle, middle finger, sarcasm, service, should, typing
Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

1 month ago
communication, dating, friendship, humor, i, life, lot, media, message, people, relationship, social, social life, social media, stopped, texting, while
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

1 month ago
bacon, cure, food, health, humor, irony, kill, smoking
Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

2 months ago
family, fun, humor, kids, listening, parenting, shoutout

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Seen just now on Slack:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Shared recently on Instagram:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Spotted on Reddit:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

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Activity Log ✨

I am single, please disturb me!

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

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I am single, please disturb me!

Related Funny Posts 🤝

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

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