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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has bookmarked:

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

I need a break from me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

โ€œAre you single?โ€ No, Iโ€™m in a hallucinationship.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,676

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via Messenger:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.

Just shared via Threads:

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Just landed via Messenger:

Feeling melancholy. Think Iโ€™ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Live now on Facebook:

A degree in international law is about as real as a degree in Dothraki.

Spotted on Reddit:

Iโ€™m going spiraling, do you need anything?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if youโ€™re looking for my family theyโ€™ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Going bananas on Slack:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Funny text about extreme exhaustion expressing how tiredness itself is exhausted.
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Commentary:
"Feeling so tired that even your exhaustion needs a nap? ๐Ÿ’ค Sounds like you're on the fast track to becoming a professional sleeper! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ค"

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Social Media Stars โญ

17 shares on WeChat this month:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper โ€œthat was my son…โ€

15 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate being in that mood where nothingโ€™s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

85 shares on X this month:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

The person who invented bowling: โ€œOh, and weโ€™ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.โ€

32 shares on TikTok this month:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

39 shares on Slack this month:

I will sit in the rain about this.

42 shares on Threads this month:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Waiting for my wife to approve my new yearโ€™s resolution of making independent decisions.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you donโ€™t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I donโ€™t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

How old were you when you realized others couldnโ€™t see the matrix?

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has copied:

Nostalgia isnโ€™t as good as it used to be.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

I tell my kids winning isnโ€™t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has viewed:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

โ€œIt’s been a long week!โ€ Me, on a Tuesday.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has shared:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

Sarcastically saying “youโ€™re welcome” to the people who donโ€™t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something Iโ€™ll never stop doing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฏ has bookmarked:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You canโ€™t have both.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via Slack:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Live now on Threads:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Seen just now on Discord:

โ€œStop recording everything and just enjoy the momentโ€ is asking me for videos from last night.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Shared recently on Instagram:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Seen just now on Reddit:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

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