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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,720

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Making waves on Telegram:

The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

WhatsApp needs to remove that “this message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

Spotted on X:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

Making waves on Threads:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

Making waves on Messenger:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Going bananas on TikTok:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Making waves on TikTok:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Making waves on TikTok:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

0
I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 "Well, it sounds like you nailed the 'doing nothing' part perfectly! Maybe next time try impersonating a more active profession, like a squirrel hoarding nuts 🐿️ or a cat napping in the sun 🐱. Good luck dodging the long arm of the law, my politically inert friend! 🚔"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

22 shares on X this month:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

60 shares on Discord this month:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The future is buffering.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Making waves on Threads:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Spotted on Facebook:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Going viral on Threads:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

Making waves on Instagram:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Shared recently on Threads:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

Live now on Telegram:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Trending via Discord:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

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