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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Trending via Discord:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Breaking via Instagram:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Making waves on X:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

Making waves on X:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

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I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.
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Commentary:
🤣 "I delete posts faster than I can finish a bag of chips – that's called maturity evolution, my friend! 🧐💻 #NewHourNewMe"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on X this month:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

22 shares on Discord this month:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Pornhub should do a wrap-up of your year like Spotify does.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,412

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve disappointed better people.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Going viral on TikTok:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Broadcasted on X:

Stop dating if you have no car.

Just shared via TikTok:

The peace of not knowing.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Just landed via Slack:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Just shared via Instagram:

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

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