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Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

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The world is my oyster and Iโ€™m allergic to shellfish.

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I would prefer not to.

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I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

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Imagine hating me, and Iโ€™m just over here looking at soup recipes.

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Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

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To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

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50 shades of single.

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I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

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If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

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I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Commentary:
Guess we're all just failing to impress each other here ๐ŸŽญ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ

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