Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,621

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Going bananas on Threads:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Trending via Discord:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Spotted on WeChat:

The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

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I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.
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Commentary:
😂🍔 If your burger arrives sideways and you lose it, maybe the problem isn't the sandwich! 🍟😆

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on YouTube this month:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

64 shares on TikTok this month:

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

32 shares on Slack this month:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,520

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Just shared via Messenger:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Going viral on Threads:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Spotted on X:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

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