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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,671

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Just landed via Facebook:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Breaking via TikTok:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Spotted on Threads:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Just shared via X:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

3 weeks ago

Humorous text about stubbornness and regret, playful and witty in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
📖 "I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir" sounds like the chronicles of every Monday morning decision ever made! We've all been there – hindsight is 20/20, but sometimes foresight is just a little blurry! Can't wait to read about the adventurous escapades and questionable choices that led to this captivating title! 😂✨

better, choices, decisions, humor, i, irony, life, life choices, memoir, mistakes, regret, self-awareness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

87 shares on X this month:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My middle finger salutes you.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,367

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

It’s so unfair that saying “xd” is still socially acceptable, but only if you’re speaking Spanish.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Spotted on Messenger:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Going viral on YouTube:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

Just shared via Facebook:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Making waves on Facebook:

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

Making waves on WeChat:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Trending via Threads:

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

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