I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

I don't need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Commentary:
“Who needs a bottle when you’ve got a mind full of questionable choices? 🤪 Just remember, adventures can also be found on the sober side of life! 🌟 #LivingOnTheEdge”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

    Commentary:
    “Mrs. Doubtfire: the OG stealthy custody hacker! 🤫🎬 Who needs lawyers when you have a wig and a Scottish accent, am I right? 😉 #CustodyGoals”

  • If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs horsepower when you can have lunch power? 🚚🍔 Trade in your sports car for a food truck and win hearts with every meal! 🏎️❌🌮 #StreetEats”

  • Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

    Commentary:
    Sure thing! How about this: “If you think I’m bad at texting now, just wait until I’m ghosting you on the Ouija Board! 👻📱 #TextsFromTheAfterlife”

  • Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

    Commentary:
    🍆🐣 “Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs – who knew gardening could be so punny? Talk about farm-to-table in a whole new way! 🌱🥚 #eeggcellent”

  • Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

    Commentary:
    “Drugs don’t ruin lives, they say. It’s the drug tests that really bring out the stress and anxiety 🚫🧪 Who knew a little cup could hold so much power over our fate? 😅 #DrugTestingDrama”

  • Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

    Commentary:
    Relationship Status: Playing it cool with the pup, hoping he doesn’t realize he’s been pied 😂🐶🍃 #PuppyRejection #LeafDistraction