I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

68 shares on TikTok this month:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.