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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

44 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Making waves on Slack:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Trending via Instagram:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Trending via YouTube:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Just shared via YouTube:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Just shared via TikTok:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.
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Commentary:
"Who needs beauty sleep when you can have designer eye bags? 💁‍♀️✨ Going for that high fashion insomnia look! 😂 #VersaceGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

44 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

Trending via YouTube:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Just shared via Discord:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Making waves on Facebook:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Breaking via Threads:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Just shared via YouTube:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Going viral on Facebook:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

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