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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,780

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Going viral on X:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Spotted on X:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Seen just now on WeChat:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Just landed via Reddit:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

4 weeks ago

Funny quote about procrastinating fitness goals with witty, relatable humor.

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Commentary:
Waking up early to exercise? More like hitting snooze and dreaming about being fit! 🛌😴💪 #MorningStruggles #FitnessGoalsFailed

early, exercise, i, ID, ironic, kind, never, person, right, wake, wake up

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50 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

46 shares on X this month:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

52 shares on WeChat this month:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

17 shares on X this month:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

How do I un-know people?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Spotted on Instagram:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Making waves on TikTok:

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Making waves on Reddit:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

Spotted on X:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Shared recently on Facebook:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Just landed via Pinterest:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

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Activity Log ✨

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨