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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,490

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Shared recently on WeChat:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

Just landed via Slack:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Trending via Threads:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Seen just now on Slack:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Seen just now on YouTube:

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I am single, please disturb me!

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about procrastinating fitness goals with witty, relatable humor.

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Commentary:
Waking up early to exercise? More like hitting snooze and dreaming about being fit! 🛌😴💪 #MorningStruggles #FitnessGoalsFailed

early, exercise, i, ID, ironic, kind, never, person, right, wake, wake up

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Slack this month:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

79 shares on Instagram this month:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Just shared via X:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Live now on Snapchat:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Spotted on Twitch:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

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Activity Log ✨

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Can we skip to the rich part?

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Can we skip to the rich part?

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨