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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,652

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Spotted on Threads:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

Live now on X:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Spotted on Facebook:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My life is based on a true story.

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about procrastinating fitness goals with witty, relatable humor.

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Commentary:
Waking up early to exercise? More like hitting snooze and dreaming about being fit! 🛌😴💪 #MorningStruggles #FitnessGoalsFailed

early, exercise, i, ID, ironic, kind, never, person, right, wake, wake up

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32 shares on Snapchat this month:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

68 shares on X this month:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

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Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

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Making waves on Pinterest:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

Just shared via YouTube:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Just shared via Facebook:

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

Just shared via TikTok:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Just landed via WeChat:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Spotted on Instagram:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Freshly posted on X:

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

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I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

My middle finger salutes you.

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I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

My middle finger salutes you.

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