I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

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I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

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Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

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Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

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Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

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I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

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If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

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I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

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The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

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According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

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When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.