44 funny bag quotes - Wordgag

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

May 23, 2026

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

May 23, 2026

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

May 23, 2026

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

May 22, 2026

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

May 22, 2026

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

May 22, 2026

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

May 22, 2026

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

May 22, 2026

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

May 22, 2026

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

May 22, 2026

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

May 22, 2026

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

May 21, 2026

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

May 21, 2026

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

May 21, 2026

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

May 20, 2026

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

May 20, 2026

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

May 20, 2026

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

May 19, 2026

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

May 19, 2026

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

May 19, 2026

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

May 19, 2026

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

May 19, 2026

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

Mar 31, 2026

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Mar 31, 2026

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Mar 31, 2026

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Mar 31, 2026

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Mar 31, 2026

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Mar 30, 2026

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Mar 30, 2026

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Mar 30, 2026

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

Mar 29, 2026

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Mar 29, 2026

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Mar 28, 2026

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Mar 28, 2026

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Mar 28, 2026

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Mar 28, 2026

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Mar 28, 2026

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Mar 27, 2026

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Mar 27, 2026

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Mar 27, 2026