Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.
  • Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.
  • Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.
  • The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.
  • Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.
  • The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.