Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.
  • I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.
  • I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.
  • Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.
  • I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.
  • I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.