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I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

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I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

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Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

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All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

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No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

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Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

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One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

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Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

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Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

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Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.