Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Feeling invisible? Just default on a payment or two and watch the VIP treatment arrive faster than you can say 'overdraft fee' 😂💸 #MoneyTalks #PayToPlay"

attention, care, couple, debt, humor, missing, money, nobody, payments, responsibility, sarcasm, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

0

2 months ago

defibrillator, expectation, failure, humor, irony, joke, medical, medical joke, shock, work
A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

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2 months ago

blanket, comfort, compression, enough, humor, i, need, relaxation, relief, stress, stress relief, today, weighted, weighted blanket, zip-file
Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

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2 months ago

control, control freak, dark, dark humor, death, eulogy, freak, funny perspective, funny thought, humor, i, loved, ones, own, perspective, quirky, relatable, say, thinking, thought, thoughts, want, writing
Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

0

2 months ago

40s, aging, another, chin, humor, oh, surprise, surprises, welcome
For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

0

2 months ago

anger, costume, destroy, eyebrows, face, Halloween, humor, me, spooky, training
If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

0

2 months ago

class, education, endless, hour, humor, i, just, left, life, live, math, school, spend, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Messenger this month:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

27 shares on Slack this month:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

42 shares on Slack this month:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

34 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

71 shares on Slack this month:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Spotted on Threads:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Going viral on Threads:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Breaking via X:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Half princess, half menace.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Trending via Messenger:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨