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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,322

Social Media Log 💫

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally, a plot twist I can get behind! 📚😅 #SelfImprovement

character, character development, development, focus, glad, growth, humor, i, life, makers, personal, personal growth, scene, sex, sex scene, unnecessary

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, day, funeral, humor, job, never, retire, using, vacation, vacation day, work, working
The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

0

2 months ago

attraction, bi, both, humor, men, orientation, sexual, sexual orientation, where, women, yourself
Think that’s enough todaying for today.

0

3 weeks ago

casual, casual conversation, conversation, enough, humor, procrastination, think, today, todaying, wordplay
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

0

2 months ago

advice, creativity, financial, financial advice, humor, imagination, lifestyle, means, wit
I think God was high when he made me.

0

2 months ago

confidence, divine, God, high, humor, humor quote, i, lighthearted, me, quirky, self-deprecating, think
Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

0

2 months ago

alone, clothing, comfort, hoodie, humor, love, only, partnership, relationship, single, status

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Slack this month:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

98 shares on X this month:

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

98 shares on YouTube this month:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

56 shares on Threads this month:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Just shared via Facebook:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Seen just now on Discord:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Making waves on Facebook:

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

Going viral on WeChat:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Breaking via X:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Live now on Pinterest:

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

Making waves on Instagram:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

I think God was high when he made me.

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨