Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,478

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

Making waves on Snapchat:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Going viral on Threads:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Shared recently on WeChat:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Freshly posted on X:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Making waves on Instagram:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Live now on Pinterest:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Making waves on YouTube:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Breaking via Reddit:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oops, my mouth thought it was extra buttery popcorn! 🍿🙊

apology, behavior, bit, bite, hand, humor, i, pet, pet behavior, popcorn, snack, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

0

2 months ago

expand, fitness, gaining, getting, hot, humor, just, perspective, self-acceptance, things, warm, weight
I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, humor, i, just, number, older
Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

1

5 months ago

beverage, coke, diet, Diet Coke, gunshot, gunshot wound, humor, injury, ironic, ironic remedy, pain, pain relief, relief, remedy, wound
Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

0

2 months ago

couch, curiosity, Google, Googling, hate, humor, imagine, just, knee, knees, laziness, me, penguin, sitting
Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

0

2 months ago

chores, direction, dishwasher, domestic, domestic life, feel, feel something, humor, just, life, opposite, opposite direction, relatable, something, unloading
A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, bird, comparison, dog, food, food comparison, hot, hot dog, humor, penguin, sandwich

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Threads this month:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

69 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

94 shares on Twitch this month:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I wasn’t planning on moving, but I was just invited to the neighborhood fall potluck, so I guess now I have no choice.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Shared recently on Slack:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Breaking via Slack:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Trending via Telegram:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Seen just now on Discord:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Spotted on TikTok:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Making waves on Facebook:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨