Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,631

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Just shared via Facebook:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Just shared via Twitch:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Going viral on Telegram:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Breaking via Instagram:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Eating every time the light turns red isn't technically fasting! 🚦🥐

diet, drive, eat, fasting, fitness, health, humor, humor quote, i, intermittent, joke, lifestyle, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

0

5 months ago

chip, eat, eating, eating habit, habit, help, humor, i, just, OCD, order, pringle, respect, snack, someone
In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

0

2 months ago

boxing, Boxing Day, court, day, defense, holiday, honor, humor, joke, misunderstanding
FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, being, fear, FOBI, FOMO, gathering, humor, introvert, invitation, party, self-deprecation, social, social anxiety
The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

0

2 months ago

activity, blank, common, common experience, confusion, embarrassment, experience, forgetfulness, forgot, high, i, indoor, indoor activity, memory, mind, mind blank, number, room, stand, staring, times, why
I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

0

2 months ago

advice, expectations, family, house, i, kitchen, me, mom, new, organize, tell, wait, wrong
I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

0

2 months ago

analogy, avocado, food, fruit, humor, i, impatience, patience, ripe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

28 shares on Discord this month:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

99 shares on X this month:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

76 shares on Discord this month:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Shared recently on Slack:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Seen just now on X:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Spotted on Reddit:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Breaking via X:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Seen just now on Discord:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Just shared via YouTube:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Just landed via Reddit:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Trending via Threads:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨