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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of looking like a chilled cucumber on the outside, but inside your brain is a raging storm of to-do lists, ideas, and existential musings. Who knew appearing zen could be such hard work?"

busy, doing, head, humor, mind, nothing, procrastination, self-awareness, thought

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

1 month ago

calendar, count, counting, day, ever, evidence, just, physical, physical evidence, say, someone, time, today, trust, Tuesday
Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

1 month ago

after, afterlife, ancient, ancient Egypt, belief, burial, buried, chest, egypt, fun, hands, humor, life, Pharaoh, slide, water, water slide
Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

1 month ago

carry, communication, constant, everyday, everyday life, humor, irony, life, message, phone, right, technology, voicemail
“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

1 month ago

age, big, comedy, favorite, humor, insult, insults, joke, sarcasm, teasing
When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

1 month ago

change, funny idea, hour, humor, i, idea, politics, president, time
They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

4 months ago

alternative, animal, animals, burger, crazy, crazy idea, food, food innovation, idea, innovation, invent, invention, lab-grown, lab-grown meat, mammoth, meat, meat alternative, new, new animal, should, something

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Live now on TikTok:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Going viral on Telegram:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

Shared recently on Facebook:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Shared recently on Messenger:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

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It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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