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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,706

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Just shared via Threads:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Making waves on TikTok:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

Making waves on WeChat:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Spotted on Snapchat:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Trending via YouTube:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

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I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the art of decision-making at its finest! 🤔 But hey, who needs thinking anyway when you can just wing it, right? 🤷‍♂️ Embrace the carefree spirit and let spontaneity be your new best friend! 🎉 #LivingLifeOnTheEdge"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

What is it called when you were overthinking, and it turns out you were right?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,556

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Spotted on Threads:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Just shared via Instagram:

This year has been the perfect blend of me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Making waves on Pinterest:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Trending via Telegram:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Just shared via YouTube:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

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