Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,694

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My only goal in life is to never end up on a Netflix documentary.

Freshly posted on Discord:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Making waves on Facebook:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Just shared via Slack:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Going viral on X:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Trending via Reddit:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"At this rate, my next diploma should be in 'Life Lesson Mastery 101'! 🎓🤣📚"

experience, humor, i, irony, learned, learning, lesson, sarcasm, teacher, teaching, times

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

0

5 months ago

20s, actually, adulthood, age, aging, being, crisis, humor, identity, identity crisis, life, life stage, mid-40s, stage, worst
The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

0

2 months ago

cream, exercise, fitness, food, house, humor, ice, ice cream, past, personal, temptation, thing, trainer, truck
Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

0

2 months ago

bee, bumble, buzz, humor, poetry, red, rhyme, rose, roses, roses are red, twist, wait, wordplay, yes
Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

0

2 months ago

back, cheer, cheers, comfort, comfort food, eating, food, gain, humor, me, right, sad, sadness, self-deprecation, weight, weight gain
Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

0

3 months ago

definitely, empathy, expression, feel, feeling, humor, i, point, said
The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

0

2 months ago

burn, cooking, day, draining, face, food, humor, i, kitchen, me, pasta, relaxation, spa, spa day, steam, steam burn

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

Going viral on Discord:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Spotted on Telegram:

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Just shared via Slack:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Going viral on Discord:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Going viral on X:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Spotted on Messenger:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Just shared via Instagram:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨