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Commentary:
"Remember, kids have the power to choose your retirement location 🏠👵👴 Best to butter them up with kindness and love now while you still have a chance! 😄 #FutureRoommateSelectors"

children, future, good, home, humor, just, kindness, parenting, sign, wisdom, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

0

3 months ago

afternoon, beverage, california, coffee, crying, emotions, humor, iced, iced coffee, most
I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

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2 months ago

aliens, belief, believe, curiosity, extraterrestrial, humor, i, imagination, me, sci-fi
Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

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2 months ago

advice, comments, humor, i, just, media, post, social, social media, therapist
I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

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2 months ago

accountability, actions, always, around, blame, else, humor, i, loneliness, responsibility, self-awareness, take
Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

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2 months ago

email, every, gamble, humble, humility, humor, keep, me, mistakes, technology, typo, writing
If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

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2 months ago

art, corner, creativity, humor, ID, Michelangelo, painting, self-deprecation, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

98 shares on Threads this month:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

Going viral on Slack:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Seen just now on Discord:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Making waves on Reddit:

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Live now on Messenger:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Trending via Snapchat:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Trending via Slack:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Trending via Slack:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Trending via X:

Is this art or trash?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨