Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,478

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Seen just now on X:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Spotted on Discord:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Spotted on Discord:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you're running a marathon in the procrastination Olympics! 🏃‍♂️💤📥

again, chore, done, dryer, forget, forgetfulness, household, household chore, humor, i, just, laundry, pop, procrastination, waiting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

0

2 months ago

avoid, avoidance, being, drama, humor, i, introversion, life, relationships, social, social life, unpopular
Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

0

2 months ago

afternoon, coffee, energy, humor, person, personality, procrastination, sleep
Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

0

2 months ago

diet, fat, food, gone, humor, i, joke, roll, rolls, spring, winter
Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

0

2 months ago

chicken, chicken nugget, chicken nuggets, comparison, dollars, food, humor, know, money, nugget, sh, spend, spending, value
My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

0

2 months ago

back, exercise, fitness, flip, floor, goals, humor, ID, just, looking, motivation, over, simple, struggle, trying, turtle, workout
When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

0

1 month ago

bedtime, fear, humor, i, night, past, scared, sleep

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Manifesting you in my bed.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

44 shares on Slack this month:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

31 shares on Discord this month:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

55 shares on X this month:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Live now on Snapchat:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Spotted on YouTube:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

Spotted on Threads:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Just landed via Pinterest:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Just shared via Instagram:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Spotted on Facebook:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨