Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

A little friendly reminder that if somebody looks tired, you really don’t have to tell them.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,556

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Just landed via Threads:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Going viral on Slack:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Going viral on Slack:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Going viral on WeChat:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Going viral on Slack:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

4 weeks ago

Playful quote about a person jokingly telling their cat to stop eyeing them like food.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Me to cat: Your laser-eyed stare won't turn me into a gourmet dish! 🐱👀🍳 #NotAnIngredient

cat, expression, food, humor, ingredient, looking, me, pet, quit, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

47 shares on X this month:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Netflix & by yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Achieving AGI by reducing the intelligence of the average human rather than increasing the intelligence of AI.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Seen just now on Telegram:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Live now on WeChat:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Just landed via Reddit:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Just landed via Slack:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

Just landed via WeChat:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Just shared via Facebook:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Making waves on Instagram:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨