Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
Looks like the ultimate shortcut to the past and future: just hit snooze! 💤🕰️ Who needs a DeLorean when your bed is your time machine? 🚀🛌 Sleep your way through history—dreams are the new quantum leaps! 😴✨

bed, bedtime, going, humor, joke, micro-dosing, microdosing, relaxation, sci-fi, sleep, time, time travel, travel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

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2 months ago

avocado, celebration, cheers, food, humor, kitchen, perfectly, ripe, woman
When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

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2 months ago

audience, bad, bad joke, comedy, follow, follow up, good, humor, i, joke, land, laughter, performance, punchline, realize, tell, timing, worse
My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

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2 months ago

apnea, diagnosis, health, humor, irony, meeting, sleep, sleep apnea, staff, staff meeting, workplace
Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

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4 weeks ago

addicted, addiction, day, eating, food, food habit, habit, humor, meal, reptile
She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

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2 months ago

comparison, day, front, front-row, humor, parking, parking spot, rainy, rainy day, rare, row, spot, uniqueness
I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

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2 months ago

1, activity, alone, complaints, fun, fun activity, i, myself, replay, riding, song, times

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

24 shares on Discord this month:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

50 shares on Threads this month:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

92 shares on Slack this month:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

87 shares on WeChat this month:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Going viral on Instagram:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨