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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

Just landed via X:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Live now on Pinterest:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Going viral on Reddit:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Going bananas on Reddit:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Going viral on Snapchat:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Spotted on Slack:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Spotted on Twitch:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Breaking via Telegram:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess evening me forgot to leave a note for morning me 🛌😅🔁

bedding, casual, casual speech, drunk, evening, going, humor, just, me, morning, pissed, speech, strip

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

0

2 months ago

happiness, happy, humor, irony, leave, me, people, relationships, social
I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

0

3 months ago

communication, humor, i, idea, love, media, online, online communication, originality, social, social media, someone, thought, thoughts, tweet, Twitter
I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

0

2 months ago

always, bandana, canine, dog, gang, gone, groomer, home, hours, humor, i, love, loyalty, only, pet, three, time, transformation
Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

0

2 months ago

ever, food, funny situation, house, humor, hunger, hungry, nap, procrastination, relatable, situation, tiredness
Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

1

5 months ago

beverage, coke, diet, Diet Coke, gunshot, gunshot wound, humor, injury, ironic, ironic remedy, pain, pain relief, relief, remedy, wound
You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

0

2 months ago

around, authority, bladder, boss, control, humor, independence, me

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on YouTube this month:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

68 shares on X this month:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

98 shares on Threads this month:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

These aliens are taking forever.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

Just shared via Discord:

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Making waves on TikTok:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Trending via Discord:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Going viral on WeChat:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Spotted on TikTok:

I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨