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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Going viral on X:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Just landed via Threads:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Just landed via WeChat:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Making waves on Messenger:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Going viral on TikTok:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Just landed via WeChat:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Trending via Facebook:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

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Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.
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Commentary:
"Who needs a gym membership when you have a demanding feline personal trainer? 🐱💪 Talk about the ultimate cardio workout! #CatFitGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Twitch this month:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

39 shares on Threads this month:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

86 shares on X this month:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

96 shares on X this month:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

19 shares on Threads this month:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,551

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Just landed via Instagram:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Just landed via Twitch:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Just shared via Facebook:

Alexa, mute my children.

Just landed via YouTube:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Spotted on Discord:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

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