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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

In these difficult times, it’s important to remember that cheese exists.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,720

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Making waves on YouTube:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Spotted on WeChat:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Seen just now on Twitch:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Spotted on Reddit:

I need a day off from myself.

Just landed via X:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

Just shared via X:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

Just shared via Threads:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Funny quote about daily laziness involving a cat and minimal exercise.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a gym membership when you have a demanding feline personal trainer? 🐱💪 Talk about the ultimate cardio workout! #CatFitGoals"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on YouTube this month:

25 is the new 0 years old.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Lingerie under a trench coat is still on my bucket list, by the way.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

It was me, I let the dogs out.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

18 shares on WeChat this month:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

25 shares on Threads this month:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

92 shares on Discord this month:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,712

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Freshly posted on Discord:

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Going viral on Twitch:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Going viral on X:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Just landed via Slack:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Just landed via Threads:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

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