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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Netflix & by yourself.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Welcome to your 40s, the best part of your day is now the heated seats in your car after a long day.

Shared recently on Instagram:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Spotted on Instagram:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Going viral on TikTok:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Seen just now on Slack:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Making waves on Threads:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your favorite IT moment is Ctrl + Alt + Escape! 🚪😂💼

casual, casual language, favorite, favorite part, grab, humor, i, language, leave, leaving, life, office, office humor, quitting, quitting time, shit, time, work, work life, workday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

0

2 months ago

choke, choking, cool, coworker, culture, darth, Darth Vader, force, humor, lost, meeting, pop, pop culture, scene, sci-fi, staff, staff meeting, star, Star Wars, used, vader, wars, workplace
I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

0

2 months ago

care, everyone, humor, i, irony, just, me, sarcasm, somebody, someone, want
Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

0

1 month ago

casual, false, false god, God, humor, invitation, later, man, pull, slang, worship
Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

0

5 months ago

bread, craving, ever, food, humor, just, question, snack, thought, yourself
Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

0

2 months ago

ass, broke, home, house, humor, i, left, Ludacris, money, once, staying, staying in, take
I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, home, humor, i, tomorrow, want, work, workday

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

62 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

19 shares on Discord this month:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Weirdos gonna weird.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Just landed via Instagram:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Trending via YouTube:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Just shared via X:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Making waves on Facebook:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Going viral on Threads:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Shared recently on YouTube:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Live now on Pinterest:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨