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"Who needs vitamins and healthy living, when you have a healthy dose of spite and biscuits to keep you going strong until 90! 🍪😂 Granny's secret recipe for longevity! #SpiteAndBiscuits"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

1 month ago

attractive, confidence, delusional, going, humor, i, sarcasm, self-deception, self-improvement, vanity
I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

1 month ago

enough, got, humor, irony, me, never, parents, politics, rich, socialist, upset, wealth
Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

5 months ago

ago, comeback, coming, got, humor, just, me, never, patience, payback, persistence, relax, revenge, someone, threat, wronged
Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

2 months ago

bad, comedy, emotional, emotional pain, fantasy, feelings, health, humor, insecurity, mental, mental health, pain, self-esteem
Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

5 months ago

cut, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, need, revenge, therapy, vengeance
If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

1 month ago

back, cutlery, face, humor, kitchen, know, reflection, self-image, someone, spoon, stare

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

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Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

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Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

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My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

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Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

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Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

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All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

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Just landed via Reddit:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Trending via Facebook:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Making waves on Slack:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

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It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

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My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

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My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

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My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

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