My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

55 shares on Threads this month:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

89 shares on Facebook this month:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.