29 funny life advice quotes - Wordgag

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

May 28, 2026

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

May 28, 2026

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

May 28, 2026

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

May 27, 2026

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

May 26, 2026

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

May 26, 2026

I need money, not feelings.

May 25, 2026

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

May 25, 2026

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

May 24, 2026

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

May 24, 2026

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

May 23, 2026

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

May 23, 2026

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

May 23, 2026

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

May 23, 2026

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

May 22, 2026

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

May 22, 2026

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

May 22, 2026

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

May 21, 2026

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

May 21, 2026

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

May 21, 2026

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

May 21, 2026

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

May 21, 2026

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

May 20, 2026

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

May 20, 2026

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

May 20, 2026

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

May 19, 2026

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

May 19, 2026

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

May 19, 2026

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Mar 31, 2026