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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1133 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,295

Funny Quotes Topics

14,205

Funny Quotes Images

11,295

9 minutes ago

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Spotted on Facebook:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Freshly posted on Threads:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

Freshly posted on Slack:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

6 months ago

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'I'm disappointed in you' line from authority figures – the ultimate weapon of guilt! 🙄 Who knew they were expecting you to be the next superhero all along? 🦸‍♂️ Maybe they should lower their expectations to 'able to adult without setting the kitchen on fire.' 🤷‍♂️ Time to break free from the disappointment prison and live your best chaotic life! 🎉"

age, authority, disappointment, dude, expectations, figure, humor, i, know, life, live, nothing, older, prison, relationships, saying, sting, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1133 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,295

Funny Quotes Topics

14,205

Funny Quotes Images

11,295

9 minutes ago

3,427

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Freshly posted on X:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Just landed via Twitch:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Going viral on YouTube:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Seen just now on TikTok:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Reported on WhatsApp:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Going viral on Snapchat:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

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