Apparently “Spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

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Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

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Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

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I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

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At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

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Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

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Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

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I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

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I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

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Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

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When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.