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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I’m running out of people I like.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,748

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If you are into coding, pivot to hunting and gathering.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Live now on Discord:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Seen just now on Slack:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Shared recently on Discord:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Just shared via Facebook:

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

Breaking via Telegram:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Making waves on YouTube:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about parenthood and karma's clever justice, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like karma has an impeccable sense of humor and a flair for irony! 🤣 It seems your mini-me is embodying all your best (and perhaps some not-so-great) qualities. Just wait until they start mimicking your questionable dance moves and obscure movie references! 🕺📽️ Get ready for a front-row seat to the ultimate cosmic comedy show starring you and your little doppelgänger! 🌟👩‍👧‍

humor, just, karma, kid, lesson, life, life lesson, me, parenting, played, resemblance, well, well played

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on YouTube this month:

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

67 shares on Slack this month:

Twitter is an abusement park.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

58 shares on Slack this month:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,697

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Just landed via Slack:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Shared recently on WeChat:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Just landed via TikTok:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Shared recently on Threads:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Seen just now on Threads:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Going viral on Threads:

Coffee is better when you have no work.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

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