Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,354

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

Making waves on Discord:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Trending via Threads:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Trending via YouTube:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Going viral on WeChat:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Going viral on YouTube:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Becoming a human flashlight is a bright idea! 🔦😄

beam, goal, humor, light, new, new year, powerful, resolution, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, death, final, final words, humor, i, irony, rest, tombstone, wake, wake up, want, well, words
Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

0

2 months ago

account, adulthood, adulting, budgeting, day, days, finance, financial, financial struggle, humor, later, money, money transfer, myself, personal, personal finance, relatable, save, savings, savings account, struggle, three, transfer, wild
Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

0

2 months ago

comment, engagement, humor, loneliness, media, meme, pics, relationship, single, social, social media, us, Valentine, year
I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

0

4 weeks ago

50, 6, care, dental, dental hygiene, flossing, got, humor, hygiene, last, minutes, months, oral, oral care, pressure, procrastination, time, time pressure
It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

0

2 months ago

experience, funny experience, heat, hot, hot weather, humor, hydroplaning, i, just, office, office humor, seat, toilet, weather, work
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

0

2 months ago

bacon, bake, cook, cooky, culinary, food, funny observation, humor, language, observation, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

93 shares on Discord this month:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

17 shares on X this month:

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

The first Saw movie should have been called Footloose.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Have you tried complaining about it?

61 shares on Threads this month:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Just landed via Threads:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Trending via Snapchat:

Aura is the real business card.

Going bananas on Messenger:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Live now on Telegram:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Making waves on TikTok:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨