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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,914

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Seen just now on Messenger:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Going viral on X:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Seen just now on Telegram:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
My pillow and I are in couples therapy! 😂😴🛏️

communication, conflict, humor, i, insomnia, relationship, schedule, sleep, sleep schedule, speaking, terms, tiredness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

4 months ago
advice, answer, bite, death, die, give, humor, joke, poison, should, simply, snake, sure, survival, wait
Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

1 month ago
awareness, battle, battles, communication, everyone, except, fighting, humor, just, know, neighbor, shut, silence, struggles, talking
Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

1 month ago
back, benjamin, Benjamin Franklin, franklin, history, humor, inform, invention, stove, technology, time, time travel, travel, wifi
Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

1 month ago
2, hours, humor, problem, ready, relationship, sh, take, time, woman
Self-cleaning conscience.

1 month ago
cleanliness, conscience, humor, introspection, self-cleaning, wit
Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

1 month ago
adulthood, goals, humor, irony, later, life, twenty, want, working

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Live now on Instagram:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Freshly posted on Slack:

Know what goes good with beer? Another one.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

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Activity Log ✨

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Self-cleaning conscience.

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

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My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Self-cleaning conscience.

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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