Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,608

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Going viral on Twitch:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Life isn’t funny, why should my posts be?

Spotted on WeChat:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Making waves on Reddit:

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

Seen just now on Instagram:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

17 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about politely dismissing concerns, with a playful, humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I'm on a strict Don't-Carrot diet 🥕🚫 Let's keep this off the menu! 😂

again, care, communication, dismissal, humor, i, indifference, me, mention, need, phrase, professional, professional phrase, sarcasm, say

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on X this month:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

46 shares on X this month:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

33 shares on Reddit this month:

Who you are when you’re stuck behind a slow driver is the real you.

30 shares on Threads this month:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Breaking via WeChat:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Going viral on Twitch:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Going viral on TikTok:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Don’t study, get slutty!

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Don’t study, get slutty!

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨