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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,654

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Seen just now on X:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Spotted on Snapchat:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Making waves on Threads:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Trending via Twitch:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

3 days ago

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Commentary:
I'm on a strict Don't-Carrot diet 🥕🚫 Let's keep this off the menu! 😂

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

4 months ago

availability, behavior, conversation, drinking, drunk, emotional, emotional availability, emotionally, humor, i, me, please, sober, social, social behavior, stop, talking, taxi, unavailable, why
I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

1 month ago

70s, back, days, exist, existence, humor, i, miss, nostalgia, old, past, time
Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

4 months ago

anyone, anything, debt, dollars, except, humor, me, money, payment, psychology, session, therapist
Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

1 month ago

cart, corral, humor, people, return, shopping, shopping cart, should, song, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift
I wish anxiety came with french fries.

1 month ago

anxiety, came, comfort, comfort food, craving, food, french, french fry, fry, humor, i, irony, wish
Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

1 month ago

anything, arguing, argument, family, humor, kid, kids, love, much, sibling

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Seen just now on TikTok:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Going bananas on X:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Just landed via X:

Life hack: you don’t need salt if you just cry into your dinner.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

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Activity Log ✨

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

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Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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