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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,474

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Spotted on Instagram:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Just landed via Threads:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Making waves on Discord:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Spotted on Instagram:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Going viral on Facebook:

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

Just landed via X:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

3 weeks ago

Witty text about being born at the perfect time for spooky sequels.

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Commentary:
Looks like my calendar is finally catching up with my night owl tendencies 🦇🌕 Frankenstein Fridays, anyone? 🧟‍♂️🗓️

2024, 2025, 2026, birth, birth year, born, exactly, frankenstein, humor, i, monster, movie, Nosferatu, right, time, timing, vampire, werewolf, Werwulf, year

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22 shares on WeChat this month:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

42 shares on TikTok this month:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

86 shares on Threads this month:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Going viral on Slack:

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Shared recently on X:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Breaking via Twitch:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

Making waves on Discord:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Shared recently on Telegram:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Breaking via YouTube:

I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.

Just landed via Reddit:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

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Activity Log ✨

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨