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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Soup is great for when you’re hungry but want to still feel hungry afterward.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,506

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Live now on YouTube:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my calendar is finally catching up with my night owl tendencies 🦇🌕 Frankenstein Fridays, anyone? 🧟‍♂️🗓️

2024, 2025, 2026, birth, birth year, born, exactly, frankenstein, humor, i, monster, movie, Nosferatu, right, time, timing, vampire, werewolf, Werwulf, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

0

2 months ago

being, breakup, dating, ex, forever, hot, humor, marriage, relationships, temporary, wife
Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

0

3 weeks ago

app, birthday, birthday reminder, Facebook, humor, media, over-engineering, reminder, social, social media, technology
My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

0

6 months ago

animal, animal reaction, behavior, cat, funny pet, hiss, humor, just, pet, pet behavior, reaction, row, sneeze, times
My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

0

2 months ago

again, call, cops, dispute, guess, having, humor, i, invitation, invite, kind, me, neighbor, neighborly, neighborly dispute, party, rejection, sarcasm, social, social rejection
Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

0

2 months ago

diet, eat, hiding, humor, marriage, relationship, snacks, spouse
Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

0

2 months ago

accounts, avoid, avoidance, dating, deactivation, girl, girl math, humor, math, media, only, person, relationship, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Slack this month:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

32 shares on X this month:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Are you a software update, because not now!

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

10 shares on X this month:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

You’re still ragebaiting? Everyone is on vagueposting now. Keep up.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

92 shares on Discord this month:

It’s so embarrassing when you make a silly face at a baby, and they do not care at all.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Going viral on Discord:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

Trending via Threads:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Spotted on YouTube:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Live now on Messenger:

The void screams into me.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Breaking via Discord:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨