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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

35 minutes ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

Reported on Facebook:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Freshly posted on Threads:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Spotted on Slack:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

6 months ago

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Dear brain, why must you write a grocery list and come up with future business ideas when all I want is some sleep? 🧠💤 Maybe you should consider a career change to night owl consultant or professional dream curator? Just a thought. 🦉💭"

asleep, bedtime, brain, exactly, fall, humor, insomnia, relaxation, sleep, stop, thinking, thoughts, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

35 minutes ago

3,421

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

In my opinion, those who go jogging on a Sunday morning certainly don’t have a comfortable sofa.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Making waves on Reddit:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Spotted on X:

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Spotted on Messenger:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Shared recently on X:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My body looks like I have a great personality.

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