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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Just shared via Reddit:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Spotted on Discord:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the chef's got the looks and the skills, who needs words? 🍳😏🔥

arguing, argument, charm, compliment, confidence, cook, cooking, flirtation, fun, handsome, humor, man, masculinity, relationship, say, whatever

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

0

2 months ago

avoid, avoidance, escalator, fear, humor, joke, phobia, steps, taking, terrified
I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

0

2 months ago

am, biweekly, biweekly pay, cooking, DIY, financial, financial struggle, food, humor, i, paper, paper towel, pay, quesadilla, second, struggle, today, towel, week
Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

0

2 months ago

appearance, fitness, going, good, gym, health, humor, i, just, motivation, naked, wellbeing
You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

0

2 months ago

art, artist, example, humor, nice, separation, sometimes, sucks
Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

0

2 months ago

always, delay, humor, later, procrastinate, time, why
I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

0

2 months ago

after, asked, breakfast, burrito, craving, decision, food, humor, i, myself, self-talk, wanted, yes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on X this month:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

79 shares on X this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

71 shares on X this month:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Social media is mental suicide.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Spotted on Twitch:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Just landed via Threads:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

Breaking via Instagram:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Just landed via WeChat:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

Live now on Instagram:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨