Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Commentary:
"Who needs tissues when you've got onion chopping skills like mine πŸ’ͺπŸ§…πŸ’¦ Emotions? I'll take them straight up, no chopping required πŸ˜‚πŸ”ͺ😒"