Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,394

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

Just landed via Telegram:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Trending via Discord:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Making waves on Facebook:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Trending via Twitch:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Just shared via X:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

Just shared via Twitch:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your kids have mastered mind reading! 🧠🔮🤣

brag, child, children, communication, everything, humor, i, irony, knowledge, parenting, today, told

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

2 months ago

consequence, domestic, domestic life, doorbell, electrician, electrocution, fixing, got, hear, hearing, hearing thoughts, humor, i, life, mishap, relationship, should, thinking, thoughts, unexpected, unexpected consequence, while
Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

2 months ago

comedy, communication, curse, curse word, every, frustration, humor, i, myself, new, repeat, sentence, time, word
So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

2 months ago

cat, cats, dinner, humor, loneliness, me, neighborhood, relationship, single
My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

2 weeks ago

after, blue, bonnie, Bonnie Blue, comparison, here, humor, laundry, load, machine, over, taking, washing, washing machine
Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

1 month ago

being, broke, hatred, humor, i, just, money, motivation, nothing, passion, pure, work
I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

2 months ago

again, color, color preference, emotional, emotional healing, girl, girls, healing, i, liking, means, pink, preference, start, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Messenger this month:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

66 shares on Threads this month:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

82 shares on Discord this month:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

This whole week could have been an email.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Trending via Messenger:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Just shared via Reddit:

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Live now on Telegram:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Making waves on TikTok:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Trending via Twitch:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Just landed via X:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨