Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Spotted on Slack:

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

Trending via Reddit:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Just landed via Facebook:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Going viral on Slack:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Seen just now on Slack:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry, Earthlings! My UFO only has room for little green friends 👽🚀😆"

asking, extraterrestrial, humor, i, joke, joke about transportation, me, once, rides, sci-fi, space, transportation, UFO

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

0

2 months ago

actually, admit, away, bed, bedtime, bedtime routine, good, good night, honesty, humor, i, night, procrastination, right, routine, say, sleep, something, sometimes, time
We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

0

2 months ago

around, clumsiness, embarrassment, funny moment, idiocy, idiots, jump, knickers, least, malfunction, moment, once, playful, room, t, wardrobe, wardrobe malfunction
My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

1

2 months ago

activity, camping, favorite, going, home, humor, i, introvert, joke, outdoor, outdoor activity, relaxation, sarcasm, stay, stay-at-home, where
Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

0

4 weeks ago

another, car, cars, communication, curse, driving, excuse, family, friend, generations, horn, humor, kind, me, rage, road, road rage, sarcasm, should
I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

0

2 months ago

emotional, emotional support, humor, i, octopus, people, pet, shoplift, slap, support, train, training, want
Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

0

2 months ago

distance, entertaining, evidence, humor, insane, media, observation, people, safe, social, social media, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on YouTube this month:

I put the mess in domestic.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

43 shares on Discord this month:

(Seeing the guy next to me reading a novel) You know, none of that happened, right?

71 shares on TikTok this month:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

80 shares on Messenger this month:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I wish I could physically experience the inside of a lava lamp.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Spotted on YouTube:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Trending via Twitch:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Live now on Threads:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Seen just now on X:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Going viral on Messenger:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

Trending via Instagram:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨