One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won't judge you.

Commentary:
“Who needs a personal stylist when you have a friend like this? The ultimate fashion statement: Pajamas-chic! 💁‍♀️💤 #NoJudgmentZone”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

    Commentary:
    Ahoy mateys! ⚓️ Looks like the pirate code has been updated – we’re all about positive vibes and teamwork now! 🏴‍☠️ Walking the plank is so last century, let’s sail together towards a more compassionate horizon (and save the dramatic exits for the movies)! 😉🌊 #PirateLifeUpgrade

  • Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the clever marketing tactics of the cabbage conglomerate! 🥬🤣 Who knew Brussels sprouts were just little cabbages in disguise, trying to make a name for themselves in the vegetable world? Watch out for those sneaky marketing schemes next time you’re strolling through the produce aisle! 😉🌱

  • Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

    Commentary:
    “Warning: My rage PTO balance is fully loaded and ready for redemption 😂🔥 Better not push your luck, I’m not afraid to cash in on it! 💼💥 #HandleWithCare”

  • Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

    Commentary:
    Ah, the age-old question that has perplexed humanity since the dinosaurs were trying to figure out where to put their tiny arms on formal occasions! 🦖🧐 It seems the universe enjoys keeping us on our toes, leaving us all scratching our heads and pondering the ultimate conundrum: “What in the cosmic chaos is really going on here?” 🌌🤯

  • I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

    Commentary:
    Oh, the struggles of parenting! 🤪📅 It’s like trying to solve a riddle every time they ask, right? Time becomes a mere concept when you have little ones around. Just tell them it’s “Today” and leave it at that! 😂 #ParentingProblems

  • The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

    Commentary:
    Sounds like someone’s resume is out of this world! 🚀🌌 It seems like the space bar had a mind of its own and decided to take a few breaks between words. Gaps in your resume? More like gaps in the galaxy! Who knew a tiny button could cause interstellar mayhem? 🌠🪐