Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,389

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Going viral on WeChat:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Just landed via TikTok:

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Going viral on Discord:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'll need to start issuing "Cool Media Club" membership cards 🎟️😎📺

allowed, consumption, dislike, entertainment, humor, i, media, opinion, people, preference

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

0

2 months ago

early, flirting, forecast, humor, i, ID, joke, leak, man, pretty, pretty woman, weather, woman, women
People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

0

2 months ago

back, bed, dream, dreams, follow, humor, i, motivation, people, procrastination, sleep
Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

0

3 months ago

challenge, couple, driving, humor, parallel, parallel parking, parking, relationship, relationships, stress, test, tested, true, where
I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

0

2 months ago

beach, feed, grudge, hold, humor, i, irony, just, love, pet, relationship, sarcasm, take, walks
So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

0

2 months ago

call, community, creepy, Creepy Steve, crime, humor, just, last, man, missing, never, podcast, police, response, seen, steve, true, true crime, week, woman, young
I believe in annoyed at first sight.

0

2 months ago

annoyed, belief, believe, first sight, humor, i, love, relationship, sight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Facebook this month:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

71 shares on Facebook this month:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

19 shares on Threads this month:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

100 shares on Threads this month:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Spotted on X:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Making waves on Discord:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Live now on Telegram:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Trending via Pinterest:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Just shared via Slack:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Going viral on WeChat:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨