Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments. Posted onApr 1, 2026 by slickboy in Funny Quotes 💾 Save Image Commentary:That's one veteran that never saw any action! 🍌🪖 Related funny posts 🤝 I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull. It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better. If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow. As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it. “Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.