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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,478

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Freshly posted on Threads:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Just landed via Messenger:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Trending via Threads:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Breaking via Discord:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Seen just now on Slack:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When multitasking means hiding the chin and changing the view! 🤠😂 #DoubleChinMagic"

body, body image, chin, cowgirl, double, double chin, funny situation, humor, image, joke, physical, physical humor, playful, reverse, sexual, sexual humor, situation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

0

2 months ago

able, day, distraction, dream, feelings, glad, humor, i, me, mental, mental state, moving, moving on, sarcasm, state, subconscious, thinking
All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

0

2 months ago

back, health, humor, irony, knees, least, me, microplastic, microplastics, repair, repair work, self-deprecation, work
You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

0

2 months ago

brown, brown rice, calendar, cooking, egg, food, humor, management, perfect, perfectly, rice, tell, time, time management, timer
It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

0

2 months ago

botched, comedy, crime, documentary, every, humor, investigation, police, story, true, true crime
Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

0

2 months ago

bored, boredom, dating, flirting, humor, interaction, situation, situations, social, social interaction, unwanted, unwanted situation
I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

0

2 months ago

age, coat, detective, encounter, fashion, funny encounter, humor, i, looking, man, me, random, randomness, trench, trench coat

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

40 shares on Slack this month:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

18 shares on X this month:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Just landed via Threads:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Just shared via Reddit:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Just landed via Twitch:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Trending via WeChat:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Making waves on Telegram:

His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

Trending via YouTube:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨