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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

835 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,997

Funny Quotes Topics

13,938

Funny Quotes Images

10,997

52 seconds ago

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Going viral on Reddit:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Making waves on Reddit:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Trending via Threads:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Going viral on Slack:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Trending via Threads:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Making waves on Slack:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Trending via Slack:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

6 months ago

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, you mean the app that immediately tells you everything you need to know about the person standing in front of you? 🤔😄 Well, wouldn't that make networking events a whole lot easier? No more awkward small talk or forgetting names five seconds after being introduced! Here's hoping for that next big tech breakthrough! 💥📱"

awkwardness, forgetfulness, humor, introduction, just, me, name, person, Shazam, social, social awkwardness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

835 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,997

Funny Quotes Topics

13,938

Funny Quotes Images

10,997

52 seconds ago

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

My body looks like I have a great personality.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

Shared recently on Slack:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Going viral on YouTube:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Spotted on Snapchat:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Spotted on TikTok:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Seen just now on Telegram:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Live now on Instagram:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Spotted on Instagram:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Trending via Twitch:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

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