Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Big shoutout to all my fellow poker-faced pals out there! 🃏♠️ Who needs a range of facial expressions when you've got 'resting chill face' mastered? 😎 Keep calm and carry on, you mysterious beings. 🤔😄 #FacialExpressionGameStrong"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

2 months ago
daddy, gender-neutral, glucose, guardian, humor, joke, relationship, sugar, wordplay
I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

1 month ago
craving, eating, food, humor, i, indulgence, just, know, snack
Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

1 month ago
5, book, book review, eaten, eating, eating habit, emotional, emotional reaction, exaggeration, habit, hours, humor, i, rating, reaction, recommend, recommendation, review, reviews, stars, unwell
I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

1 month ago
bet, dinner, guest, humor, i, ID, invite, invited, me, stay, Thanksgiving, think
Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

2 months ago
brother, died, excuse, fish, friend, friends, grandpa, grandson, humor, i, mother, sister, sorry, today, tragedy, uncle
“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

1 month ago
date, decline, exaggeration, humor, ID, me, myself, politely, relationship, self-deprecation, volcano

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

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I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Going viral on TikTok:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Live now on Threads:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Just shared via Messenger:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Just shared via X:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

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Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

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I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

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Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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