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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,376

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Going viral on X:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Going viral on Slack:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

Trending via Slack:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Breaking via Discord:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Making waves on Discord:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Spotted on Reddit:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Just landed via YouTube:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

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Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.
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Commentary:
"Big shoutout to all my fellow poker-faced pals out there! 🃏♠️ Who needs a range of facial expressions when you've got 'resting chill face' mastered? 😎 Keep calm and carry on, you mysterious beings. 🤔😄 #FacialExpressionGameStrong"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Instagram this month:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

30 shares on X this month:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

55 shares on Threads this month:

Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I had too much to think last night.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,634

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

Seen just now on Instagram:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Seen just now on Telegram:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Just shared via Messenger:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

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